December 28, 2007 at 5:30 pm · Stacked in Comedic, Leisure
Bermuda has one major mall. The Washington Mall. Meh, I kno. Just one mall? How do we do it? Anyway, it serves its purpose (which would be to meet girls, try on expensive leather jackets, and have races with friend’s to see who could down their strawberry milkshake the fastest). Oh yea, and sometimes we shop there.
Chances are, if you’re meeting me in town, I’d either say “Hey! Let’s meet at Rock Island Coffee!” or “Um, how about the Mall?”. As usual people take 3 light-years and 4 minutes to meet me there so Im usually stuck on a bench making funny faces to infants in their stroller’s while I wait. But last week in particular I thought I’d try something new.
So Im sitting there, eyes aimlessly wondering, headphones stuck in each ear and fiddling with my leather “Live in Love” wrist band and Im thinking to myself:
“Most malls in the States have those humungous maps on the wall that illustrate the entire mall’s floor-plan. Most times there’s a little red dot that indicates where you are. It says something like “YOU ARE HERE”. I got to thinking. How does it know where you are at that precise moment? There’s no way they could have known you’d be right there. They get it right every-time without fail! Its a phenomenal experience. I mean, thats how you know there’s something out there! Something bigger than us! Smarter than us. Amazing!”
December 18, 2007 at 2:36 pm · Stacked in Comedic, Design
Its that time of the year again. Winter! There’s so much to look forward to: Dressing in layers, cuddling around the fire with a loved one, rolling around in the icy snow. Okay, maybe not the last one; it doesn’t snow in Bermuda. But the thought is nice. Isn’t it?
Since the invention of the toilet we’ve come up with all sorts of great and wonderful ways of using it. Who’d have thought we could “go” right from the comfort of our own homes. The indoor bathroom has indeed revolutionized the way we use the bucket.
But what about during the cold seasons? Have you ever looked forward to sitting on the dumper with your favorite x-men comic during a cold night? No? Just me? Okay. Still, don’t you detest the cold toilet seat on your rump? You shouldn’t have to turn on your bathroom heater every time you use it. You’d think after all these years someone would have invented and patented a toilet that sensors your hinee and warms the seat as you sit! So frustrating wouldn’t you agree?
December 16, 2007 at 8:49 pm · Stacked in Comedic, Leisure
Whenever anyone asks’ me if I’ve ever cooked, I arrogantly laugh aloud. I can do this because I have skillfully mastered the art of Pop Tart toasting. Surprisingly some of you may not know this, but not only can I make delicious pop-able treats, I also am very experienced in the field of Ramon Noodles, Microwave Popcorn and Chicken Nuggets.
What’s that? Yes, I agree. Im quite the seasoned cook. I’ve prepared many bachelor meals in my day but there is one that I have not yet conquered; And that would be “Aunt Jemima’s Classic: Just Add Water Pancake Mix”. Yes, a daring task. Tricky but possible.
Im excited to announce to my readers (all 4 of you) that tomorrow morning, at approximately 9:30am I will be attempting to mix my very first batch of griddle cakes from scratch the box. Although this has never been done by a professional such as myself, I’m quite confident that I could pull it off (I think). With me will be my trusty helper, my younger cousin Tee-Ann, who will bravely assist with the necessary procedures.
A few nights ago I had a friend over who made me the most delicious pancakes you’ll ever taste. Almost brought tears to my eyes as I devoured the beautiful light and fluffy patties.
So with that, wish me luck and if you want, join me (from the comfort of your own home). I’ll feel your presence in spirit.
Pancakes From Scratch
- 1 cup flour (or ‘flower’ if your that dumb)
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 0.25 teaspoon salt
- 0.5 teaspoon sugar
Sift them together.
- 1 egg
- 1 cup milk
- 1 teaspoon cooking oil or butter
Mix in thoroughly, until smooth. Heat a (preferably nonstick) pan to a bit more than medium heat.
Pancakes cool quickly, so it might be good to keep them on a warmed plate while you finish the batch.
Pour in puddles the size of your palm. When the edges are ready, flip the pancake. When the flipped pancake begins to arch upward a bit, them suckers are ready to take off.
Serve immediately with syrup, honey or a fried mouse. Its your choice.
FUN FACT: Pancakes make you go to the potty! Who knew?
If you’ve spent more than ten minutes around me you’d know I love to laugh. My humor is dry and for the most part sarcastic. I laugh at my own jokes even when others have difficulty understanding the punch lines, its funny because sometimes them “not understanding the punch line”… is the punch line!
I spend a unhealthy amount of time browsing collegehumor.com for worthy laughs and cheap giggles. The original college humor videos made by the actual staff members are some of the funniest short clips I’ve ever seen on the internet. It also features pictures, articles and a section called “girls“? The website was first launched in 1999 as a way for two high-school friends to keep in touch. Since then its popularity has grown, maxing over 18 million unique visitors a month.
If you love dry humor, college pranks, impersonations and random laughs take my word for it, collegehumor.com is the place to find it.
December 14, 2007 at 2:28 pm · Stacked in Comedic, Leisure
What do you do during your bored days? Some read depressing novels. Others climb into bed and watch reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. Me? I mark my face with war paint, jump into a pair of combat jeans and hunt my room for innocent ants. Once captured I bring them to my interrogation center (my computer desk) and burn them with my 75 cent lighter. I know they can’t answer the question’s I ask them about who sent them. But that’s the point. Because if they could, I wouldn’t get to watch them trying to wiggle free as the flame gets closer to their body each time.
I know what your thinking. You watched a story on CNN about some depressed kid who burned ants as a kid, killed and stuffed his neighbors house cats when he was a teen and murdered innocent people in his adult life. But thats not me. Honest. I told you, I only do it when Im bored.
So keep me busy!
UPDATE: After writing this post a good friend admitted to me that she once poured her nail polish on a dead bird and set it aflame! Sounds like a PostSecret.
December 11, 2007 at 12:04 pm · Stacked in Comedic
NEWS JUST IN: It seems dog owners are getting a bit more than what they bargained for this christmas season from their K9 friends. While human crime is dropping rapidly, doggy rape is growing at an alarming rate in neighboring countries.
Sources say dogs all around the world are feeling the ‘heat’ more than ever and are beginning to look to their owners for sexual satisfaction. Dog experts are baffled in trying to find the core cause for this disorder. We spoke with Animal Channel TV Host, Ceaser Millian from the Dog Whisperer television show to try to get a better understanding of just what is causing such a horny outbreak among the k9 kingdom. Though he declined to tell us, he did however provide us with video footage. Indeed, these dogs are in bad shape. The MNN (Mainee National News) sends our best to the families of dog owners at this delicate time. Our hearts go out to you.
Viewer’s Discretion Is Advised:
Video link one [link]
Video link two [link]
Video link three [link]
How are ya? My name is Jesse. I blog about all sorts of things I find interesting on the web and in my life. If your lucky you might find some hobby-photography on here also. Enjoy.
